Governor John Kasich: Late to the Party, way too late

Houston, TX - The train has already left the station. The dance floor is already at maximum capacity, and the fire marshal is wondering how soon he’ll need to start pulling people out before something bad happens. And here comes this guy. This…John…Kasich? Ever heard of him? Well, he’s the Anglican, sixty-three year old governor of Ohio with two daughters, and he’s running for president.

But, for Kasich, it’s probably already too late. All the action is already in full swing. There is the king of the prom, Donald Trump, throwing his own money like candy as everyone asks the hired help to throw him out, but for some reason a lot of people love him.

There is Jeb Bush trying to act smart and intelligent and not be too obvious that he is one of the rich kids, the kids everybody envies, and nobody likes. There is Carly Fiorina, the only girl who somehow made it into the this corner, and she’s having a hard time even holding her own. And there are all those young jocks from the senate, Rubio, Cruz, Paul, who everyone is watching, but so far their dance cards aren’t full yet. And that guy, Carson, ("I think he dropped in on the party on his way out from the lab, but I hear he’s leaving soon," someone whispers.)

And those other guys. Graham and Santorum. We don’t know what to say about them, but somebody said that they can't dance as good as they think they can. They have some hard core followings, but they are really small.

There are the governors, (you know, that club of smart guys who meet over in building C every other Friday and all say they're doing the best job, and that their state is the best,) Walker, Pataki, Huckabee, Rick Perry, Jindal, Chris Christi, and now John Kasich. He’s like the kid with braces that doesn’t even want to be here. But his mom dragged him by the ear out of the house and into the car and now he’s here and all the girls are already taken.

It’s so bad for Kasich that even in his own home state, Ohio, where the first GOP Nomination Debate is going to happen; he might not even make it in. According to the nonpartisan polling site Real Clear Politics, Kasich is in 11^th place at 1.5%. In Iowa, Kasich is running in at least 13^th place with less than 2% among likely voters, according to a Monmouth University Poll.

When it comes to the money, one has to wonder where Kasich’s is going to come from. The answer might be nowhere.

So, to sum up Kasich, he is a back of the pack mediocre candidate with little in the way of high flung rhetoric and practically no base to speak of. While he has arguably performed well as governor and indeed won with a large victory in his campaign, the truth is that the most likely reason Kasich is running is because he isn’t getting any younger, and knows that you can’t hang out as a wallflower forever. So its understandable that he would kick up his heels and do something. Its a fun time, you get into the history books, you get to write a book and make some money, your names gets out there for a possible cabinet position, or if you are really lucky, VP. And hey, who knows, if it all goes down, if the whole thing blows up, you just might be president. So yeah, Kasich thinks he'll just run out into the middle of the floor.

Let’s just hope he doesn’t embarrass himself too bad out there.

Andrew C. Abbott